• carifavole

What’s the Alternative?

“Don’t waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.” ― Paulo Coelho

August 12th, 2018; almost exactly two months to this day. That is how long I have gone without writing when for the most of 2018 I had been writing fairly regularly on a weekly basis. I’ve been busy. So busy doing nothing. And I am so close to an answer that I’m scared to admit. So instead, I keep searching. For a different answer; and alternative.

I’d considered writing a new blog post. Last week, two weeks ago, a month ago. I dabbled with the topics and mulled over my thoughts. But I decided to be selfish and keep them to myself. Only a handful of people read my silly journalings anyway, so surely no one would miss a lapse in my own conversation.

“Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” – Coco Chanel

I wish I had seen this quote months ago although if I had, I’m not sure it would have hit home as much as it does today. Have you ever had someone tell you an empty promise? Have you ever let yourself believe in it, knowing it was fake but desperate to be wrong? Over and over again, I let this happen, like this ebb and flow of a roller coaster taking me farther and farther from the destination I thought I was headed towards.

“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.” ― Roy T. Bennett

It wasn’t all a waste. In fact, now that it’s over, I find myself oddly thankful. I have learned so much about myself – good and bad – and I am eager to let go and move on. “Upwards and Onwards”.

I quit my day job.

I start my new job soon.

Two simple sentences that carry much more meaning behind the words. But still, that’s ultimately what the whole point of this post is; I quit and I found something new.

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you’d better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s saying.” ― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

There are many things I wish to say but only a few would truly understand. In truth, I am still sorting out my feelings and I know that when I look back on this moment – in a month, three months, six months – I will be much more capable of expressing what it really is I want to say.

Instead, I will say that I have a passion in my soul that cannot be extinguished. When it is held captive, it burns so fiercely inside that I fear I will combust. I did not let that happen this time. I have found avenues to express myself; in writing, and of course, the reason for this blog, voice acting. Only time will tell if this will be enough; I need it to be enough. The alternative.

Does this make any sense to you, the reader? Perhaps instead of trying to understand what I am telling myself, my words might help you in understanding something about you. Or maybe there is no meaning in my words. Perhaps when I look back on this post, I’ll be as lost as you are.

I hope so. It’ll mean the alternative worked.

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