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Time does not Pass, It continues

“I’m terrified of the thought of time passing (or whatever is meant by that phrase) whether I ‘do’ anything or not. In a way I may believe, deep down, that doing nothing acts as a brake on ‘time’s – it doesn’t of course. It merely adds the torment of having done nothing, when the time comes when it really doesn’t matter if you’ve done anything or not.” ― Philip Larkin, Philip Larkin: Letters to Monica

To say I’ve done much of the same would be an understatement. I’m not even sure what I should write here except history has a way of repeating itself; I fell into the rut of office work with some personal time off sprinkled about. Always on my mind was the studio and acting but I never quite made it beyond thought.

Looking back on this year, it feels like a lot of it has been wasted but that’s not necessarily true. I got my Animation Demo produced. I voiced a mobile app game. I recorded another commercial and training presentation. All the while not really doing much of anything. Then, I finally decided “enough is enough” and within the same week, an agency contacted me for their roster and I had a small influx of followers and likes on my social media accounts, as if to say ‘yes; do it.’

So what’s my excuse this time? I suppose I don’t really have one. It’s human nature to drag one’s feet when presented with a milestone to cross or an obstacle to overcome. I’d been dreaming of having my own Animation Demo for so long that once I finally got it, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. I mean, I know what to do with it – a demo is an actor’s calling card. But I have one, that I need to send out, and what if no one responds? I know, I know, stop with the doubt. I am getting over it, I promise. But procrastination creates bad habits and long work days make for exhausted nights.

But finally, I’m back. Once more. Again.

This time for real.

I won’t go into details but I’ve been a bit down lately, mostly due to the obvious aging of my dog. He’ll be 17 in January (a little millennial baby) and I’ve had him since he was 5; I had just started college. I will also be 30 in September and while I don’t mind aging, I can’t help but feel a bit like a failure, as I have little to show for my supposed maturity. I am now doing what one who just turns 20 does but better late than never, I suppose.

The only way to go from here is forward.

*Title quote is by Marty Rubin

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