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Retrospect Series: Prologue – Doomed

You could say, I was doomed from the start. My father has a voice like Frank Sinatra and can master an instrument within ten minutes of said item being handed to him. my mother is a beautiful painter who captures realism in a way that somehow elicits a dreamlike quality. My eldest sister is a poet who can have you tear up at a passage about a blade of grass. And my middle sister, she is a writer; but she doesn’t just ‘write a story’. She engages the reader in a conversation, as if their laughter and gasps of awe were the ink in her pen. No, it’s quite clear that the merging of art and music left little hope that I would be what society would deem as “normal”. Certainly ‘normalcy’ was never a term used in our household. My parents protected my childhood innocence and allowed my imagination to be limitless. But this doesn’t mean growing up in my charmed life was perfect. My father, believing responsibility and dependability were of the utmost importance, spent most of his time at work in his home office, providing for his family. My mother, forever graceful and humble, seemed to always be assisting others in some fashion or another. My oldest sister is 12 years my senior and already planning for college by the time I paid any mind to the world around me. This left me ample time to play with my middle sister and, as we moved fairly regularly due to my father’s work, she and I became exceptionally close.

Today, I call her my SoulTwin and my muse; one might find this odd but for us, there’s an odd sense of clarity. She continues to inspire me with her ability to embrace her imagination and creativity and it is through my interactions with her, that I too am able to retain my sense of wonder.

My family has always told me stories of my young toddler days and so I’ve come to accept that I’ve wanted to be an actress since I was 4, if not younger. However, I distinctly remember an epiphany I had one day, while playing outside of “The 2 House”, as we called it. It was a farmhouse in North Carolina and my sister and I would often play in the expanse of free roaming field. I remember taking that scenery in and turning around, with the crisp air kissing my cheeks. “I want to entertain” I thought to myself. “Even if I’m the bad guy or am in a sad movie, I want to be the one to evoke emotion in others.” Okay, so I might not have used the word “evoke” but the thought was still the same. I didn’t know the term “actor” and to me, it didn’t matter. All I knew was that I wanted to entertain. Was I born with this need or was the desire nurtured into me by my upbringing? I’m not sure I’ll ever truly know. But one thing is for sure – I was doomed from the start.

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